Walrusgate
by 42 Noodles
Summary: Poland is kidnapped by alien invaders. Lithuania assembles a team to rescue Poland and put a stop to the aliens' evil plot, but all is not as it seems... (Lithuania/Poland, Italy/Germany, Sweden/Finland)


One day, Poland was on a secret spy mission killing evil dudes in the name of justice and stuff like that. He was in a big building which was really big (like 5000 feet tall), and there was a secret room he had to get into to get the SECRET FORUMLA, which would cause a disease and kill everyone or somethnig like that. But the room was blocked by another room which was full of lazers crisscrossing all over the room. Poland was not worried about the lazers; he gracefully backflipped over them like Anne Hathaway in that spy movie that was based on a tv show.

"HAHAHAHA, STUPID LAZERS" said Poland as he approached the thingy where the secret forumla was hidden in. Suddenly, MARTIANS EVERYWHERE!

"Oh fuck where did all these martians come from" said Poland. The martians shooted at Poland with ther lazer guns, which shot lazers made of pure evil. Poland went into his pants pockets and took out his sword and started fighting the Martians with his sword which was made of not just any metal, but HEAVY METAL.

FORGED IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT DETH, BAPTIZED IN THE BLOOD OF THUNDERHORSES AND BLESSED BY MURMAIDER PRIESTS IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL WHICH INVOLVED BEING PLACED IN A BRIEFCASE FULL OF GUTS AND TOSSED OUT OF A HATREDCOPTER TO AWAKEN AN ELDER GOD THAT WOULD BRING BLACK FIRE UPON US; IT WAS TRULY THE MOST BADASS SWORD EVER MADE.

"TASTE BRITISH STEEL, MOTHER FUCKERS!" Poland screamed in a badass voice as he cut a Martian in half with his sword which once it had touched blood transformed into a really cool electric guitar with flames painted on it and then Poland played the Judas Priest song "Breaking the Law" on his sword-guitar. The martians were so in awe of Poland's mad skillz a bunch of them fainted and some of their heads even explooded. But then a maritan brought out a CD player and put a CD in it and it was a NICKELBACK CD!

"NO! NOT NICKELBACK!" said Poland, for he knew even the POWER OF METAL could not stand up to the soul-crushing awfulness of Nickelback. "THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME OF WHAT I REALLY AM" Chad Kroeger's evil voice sang evilly from the CD. Poland screamed girlishly and dropped his sword-guitar and collapsed to the ground rithing in anogy with blood comin out of his ears and nostrils. The evil Martians laffed evilly bcuz they were evil and they evilly dragged Poland away to do evil things to him.

Meanwhile, at the world meeting, Engalnd and America were argue about global warming.

"we must do somethin to stop gobal warming!" said England

"THERE IS NO GLOBAL WARMING!" said america. "IT IS A CONSPIRACY OF EVIL FREEDOM-HATING FASCIST COMMUNIST HIPPIES!"

"NO! YOU ARE WRONG!" said englend

while England and Amerca yelled at eachother Japan got up to use tha toilet but wehn he got back from the bathroom HIS CLOTHES WAS ALL TORN UP AND HE WAS COVERED IN BLOOD!

"Japan! what happened!" said everyone else but Japan was so upset he had temporarily become monolingual and couldn't understand them. "dont worry, I speak Japanese" said england then he turned to japan and said "Konnichiwa, kawaii baka neko yaoi desu?"

Japan nodded and said "Baka otaku fujoshi. Toyota sumo samurai, david suzuki."

"Karate naruto ninja?" said england.

"niisan tsundere kokoro aishiteru. bukkake moe jiu-jitsu neon genesis evangelion" said Japan.

"He says that some evil dudes out there are causing commotion out there! One of us will have to go and beat them up!" said England.

"I will take care of this" said Russia and got up and he was going to go to take care of it but then he walked into a wall and was knocked out.

"oh no!" said everyone "who will deal with the evil dudes now!"

"it won't be a problem I hired a bodyguard." said Norway. He went to the door and oepned the door and Thor the Norse god of thundering walked sexily into the room. the nations all blushed when they saw his sexy manlyness, and the ones who were men got boners, and then the ladies also got boners too bcuz Thor's aura of manlyness was so manly it could make womens grow penises. Then Thor's shirt was ripped off and he was really mussly and his mussles were really big and his chest-hair was shiny like diamonds and his big mussles flexed as he moved which made everyoen swoon. his man-thingy was big and long in his manly viking pants. Suddenly Spain was overwhelemed by Thor's manlyness. Spain jumped in front of Thor. "I LOVE YOU THOR, MARY ME!" said Spain. "NO, MARRY ME, THOR!" said China, pushing Spain out of the way. "BITCH YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THOR'S MANLYNESS" said Belarus and punched China in the face. "NEITHER ARE YOU" said Norway and punched Belarus in the stomach. "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM HE'S MINE!" said Russia and threw Norway into a garbage can. "I AM THOR'S WAIFU" said Japan and shoved a grenade up Russia's nose. "NO, _I_ AM THOR'S WAIFU" said Turkey and kicked Japan in the balls! then all the nations all jumped on each other and started to beat each other up.

"STOP ALL THIS FIGHTING YOU MEANDERING BUFFOONS!" said Lithuana who had arrived late to the meeting. He taked a lazer gun out from his pocket and shot a lazers onto the ayre wich turned into firewoks so everyone stopped fightin an looked at the lazer frieworks insted.

"A BAD THING HAS HAPPEN!" said Lithanuia onc e he had the atention of all the other dudes. "POLAND IS HELD HOSTAGE BY EVIL SPACE-MEN FROM MARS! WE MUST ASSEMBLE A TEAM TO RESCUE HIM!"

"Not now Lithuenia can't you see we is all in the middle of a important world meetinhg?" America said angerly while he wiped Denmark's blood off his douche hipster jacket.

"But the Martians have" lithuania started to say but Amurica cut him off

"THIS MEETING IS AN IMPORTANT MEETING OF IMPORTANCE AND CAN'T NOT BE INTERRUPTIONED FOR NOTHING!" America said Americanly. "WE WILL CONTINUE THE IMPORTANT MEETING AND THEN HEAR YOUR PITIFUL GREIVANCES."

"WHO THE FUCK PUT YOU IN CHARGE, ASSFUCK?" said Liechtenstein

"YEAH, WHO THE FUCK PUT THIS ASSFUCK IN CHARGE?" said Japan

"I CONCUR" said France but everyone misherd him and thought he said "I conquer" so the dudes sitting next to him started to beat him up bcuz threatening to conquer ppl is impolite.

"I AM AMERICA AND I REPRESENT FREEDOM AND LIBERTY SO EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO MY WISDOM BECAUSE IT IS MADE OF TRUTH JUSTICE AND THE AMERICAN WAY!" said Amreica an he pulled out his guns and started shootin the ceiling and the furniture so every1 would know he was a badass mofo. then the meeting continued and Lithuania had to wait utnil the end of the meeting to explan about Poland and the Martins.

After the meeting ended, Austria took Italy aside and said "Italy, you shouldnt gay with Germany anymore. he is to young for you. only Madonna is allowed to date men half her age."

"but I'm bixesual not gay." said Italy.

Austria slamed his fist on the table and said angrily: "THERE IS NO SUCH THNIG AS BISEXUAL. THEY ARE A MYTH MADE UP TO SCARE CHILDREN, LIKE GOBLINS AND VAMPIRES AND GEORGE W BUSH!"

meanwhile Sweden was leaving the building when suddeny HE WAS AMBUSHED BY EVIL DUDES! "HAHAHAHA!" the evil dudes laffed evily bcuz they were evil. They grabbed Swedn and started to beat him up. "GET OFF ME!" said Sweden. "HAHAHAHA!" said the evil dudes. BUT THEN A SWORD WENT THROUGH AN EVIL DUDE'S HEAD AN KILLED HIM! "oh no!" said the other evil dudes and they dropped Sweden. Sweden turned around and gasped shockedly at the figure of flalming badassery that stood before him. IT WAS EOWYN FROM LORD OF THE RINGS!

"WHAT ARE YOU DONG HERE!" said Sweden with surprised.

"THST IS NOT IMPORTENTq" said Eonyw badassly as sytabed an evil dude with her sword and then she yell to Snewden: "I will cover your back! RUN, MOTHERFUCKER, RUN!"

Sweden tried to ran away but before he could get away an evil dude punched him in the nose and knocked him out.

Meanwhile on the other side of the building Austria was coming out of the building when HE SAW ZOMBIES EVRYWHERE! Austria tried to run to his car, but the zombies were everywhare an they were surounding him and he hadn't got no gun so he couldnt shoot at the zombies. "OH FUCK" said Austria.

Suddenly, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

"GET TO DA CHOPPER!" said Arnold Schwarzenegger. Austria ran screeming to the helicoppter while the Governator shooted at the zombies with his big guns.

Meanwhile when Sweden waked up he was tied up in the world meeting room with an evil guy standing netx to him and also some horses. then Finland came back into the building because he had forgetted his wallet in the world meeting room.

"GASP! MY LOVER IS HELD HOSTAGE BY AN EVIL GUY! AND WHAT ARE HORSES DOING HERE?" said finland and gasp with shock

"THEY ARE PART OF AN EVIL PLAN" said the evil dude and laffed evily bcuz he wuz evil. "WITH THESE HORSES I WILL STAMPEED EVERYONE AND EVERYONE WILL DIE!"

"I WILL NOT LET YOU DO THAT" Finland roared and swanged his fists around so he hit the dude in the face which nocked him out. "oh finland your so sexay" said Sweden and got really turned on. Finland grunted manly and draged sweden out of the room to ravish him in the butt. "I'm glad thats over" said Latvia who had also been kidnapped by the evil guy. But as finland andSweden left the room suddenly their wer evil guys coming into the room with more horses and were laffing evily! "oh no!" said Latvia. Suddenly, America! America picked up all of the horses and threw them at the evil guys. The evil guys screamed because they were surprised at having horses throwed at them. "I am a hero!" said America and beat up all the evil guys.

"This confirms everything!" said Lithuneia when he lerned of the zombie and horse attacks "Someone is plotting an evil plot! I must recsue poland immiedietly!" He assembled a team consisting of all the available nations, which was Estonia, Russia, Belarus, Italy, Germany, China, America, and Finland. Sweden also wanted to come with them but he couldnt becuz he was too sore from being buttfucked by Finland who had the stamina of eleventy-hundred reigndeers and also a really big dick. Anyway, they all goat into a cool giant super-airplane like the helicarryer thingy from the Avengers movie and they flew to Rusia's place because there are lots of evil dudes there so its a good place to look for villanous activty. But on the way to Russia the airplane engine started making spluttery noises like my next-door-neighbour's cat when she's spitting up a hairball or choking on one of the poisoned cheeses that are sometimes left for her by the mean old man who lives across the street and hates cats.

"THE ENGINE IS MALFUNCTION" said Italy and started rnnhing around the room screaming while he runned around the room screaming. Germany grabbed a machine-fixer-thingy and put it on the engine. "YES, THE ENGINE APPEERS TO HAVE MALFUNCTIOn BUT I WILL USE MY ENGINEERING TO FIX IT AND MY ENGINEERING WILL FIX IT" said Germany and he use his engineering to fix it

when the airplan landed in Russia everyone split up to search for clues. Lithuania and Estonia and Belarus and Finland went into a town near the setting of that boring mvoie that was based on a book with the dude who was a doctor and had a weird name. "My computers have detected traces of Poland's DNA in that factory over there outside town!" said Estonia pointing to a factory. "Then we must go there to get Poland's DNA back!" said Lthiuania. They went into the factory and the factory was producing CDs with NICKELBACK, COLDPLAY, TAYLOR SWIFT, AND JUSTIN BIEBER! WITH SUBLIMINAL MESSIGES OF BRAINWASHING! Everyone gasped in disgust and horror.

"THIS IS LITERLY THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPEND SINCE THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE SERIES!" Belarus said disgustidly _(author note: the transformers moives were soooooooo bad they made me decide to girlcott Michael Bay! geddit I said girlcott insted of boycott cuz I'm a girl lol) _Suddnly, an evil dude appeered! It was Adam Levine the guy from that douchey rock band Maroon 5 (more like _Moron_ 5, lol)!

"HAHAHAHA!" said Adam Levine. "WHERE ARE YOU HIDE POLAND, DOUCHEBAG?" said Lithuania. "I WILL NOT TELL YOU" said Adam Levine and he laffed evily bcuz he was evil. Then a rampage of Martian groupies appeared!

"ATTACK THEM MINIONS" said Adam Levine and the groupies began to power up to attack. They floated into the air and grunted and their hair got really long and they turned into super saiyans. While they were powering up Lithuania took out his sword and Belarus took out her nunchucks (which were nuns named Chuck who could spit venom and holy water) and Finland went into his pocket and took out some piranhas and poisonous snakes and strapped them to his arms and legs and Estonia used the power of science to make a missile sprout from his forehead like a unicorn horn except it was a missile not a horn and it had spikes growing out of it and on each spike was an egg which hatched into a vampire shark with rabbit ears and a rocket strapped to each ear. Then the fight began and everyone all kicked and punched and gave wedgies and threw grenades until all the groupies were beaten up. Estonia then launched the missile from his forehead and also the spare missile which he kept in his underpants and then Lithuania and Estonia and Finland and Belarus all got on their motorcycles and drived away badassly while the evil dude's factory exploded in the background and the soundtrack played "Twilight of the Thunder God" by Amon Amarth.

Meanwhile, China was somewhere else using one of Estonia's computers to look for more Poland DNA when suddenly AN EVIL DUDE AMBUSHED HIM! IT WAS GENRAL ZOD, THE EVIL DUDE FROM THE SUPERMAN MOVIES!

"KNEEL BEFORE ZOD" said generel Zod.

"NEVER!" said China. Zod grabed him and flew into the air and flew him to a secret evil lair. "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?" said Cihna

"I WILL USE YOU AS A DAMSEL IN DITSRESS SO THE JUSTICE LEAGUE WILL COME TO SAVE YOU AND I WILL KILL THEM ALL" Zod said grinning evily but his evil grim faded wehn he saw China's man-stick protuding from his crotchal area through his pants because he had a boner. "WHAT THE FUCK YOUR NOT A GIRL!" Zod said with angry.

"FUCK YOU, ASSFUCKERFUCKFACE!" said China.

"WELL JUST FOR THAT I WILL KILL YOU ANYWAY!" said Zod. he took china into a room with a walrus. "hi, i'm paul" said the walrus.

"BUT PAUL IS DEAD!" said China.

"Not yet, but soon he WILL be dead!" General Zod said evilly. Genearal Zod tied China to the walrus and suspenderd the warlus over a pit of acid-spitting hornets and electric eels and talk show hosts. he started lowering the walrus and china into the pit. Suddenly, Superman! "UNHAND THAT FAIR DAMSEL, YOU VILE VILLIAN!" said Superman.

"I AM NOT A DAMSEL I AM OLDEST MOTHERFUKING COUNTRY ON EARTH! SHOW SOME RESPECT MOTHERFUKER!" said China. but Superman was not listen bcuz he was concentrated on beating up Zod.

Meanwhile, Italy and Germany found some Poland DNA near a motel and were going to investigate but first they took a break and went into the motel to do something else.

_(author note: WARNING THE FOLLOWING SCEENE CONTAINS A LEMON SO IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY FRUIT THEN SKIP OVER THIS SCENE!1!123!)_

Italy put his man-thingy into germny's anal reception room and then he thrusted a few times and then he jizzed.

"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU JIZZED INSIDE ME THAT IS UNHYGENIC" Germany said in an angry voice like Batman.

"but don't u want to get preganant?" said Iatly

"I AM A MAN AND MEN CANT GET PREGNENT YOU DUMBASS" Gernamy grabed a nearby lemon from the bowl of fruit next to them an throwed it at Itly's head to show how pissed off he was. His manly man-arm swinged around majestically to aim the lemon which leapt forth from his hand and slowly pistoned thru the air with the grace of a leaping cat leaping to the ground after falling to the ground from a height and twisting around to fall on its feet the way cats do when they have fallen from a high height probably after being pushed by a dog because dogs hate cats. The force with which Germany throwed the lemon broke a chasm in the fabric of space and time. Billions of tiny minuscle molecules and atoms and quarks swirled and minuet-danced in the air gracefully between and around the vector made of the magnitude and direction the lemon traveled in before its trajectory brought it crasmashing into Italy's pulchritudinous forehead with a mightyeous sound like a thousand thunders thundering.

"OUCH THAT LEMON IS REALLY FUCKIN HARD!" Italy said an then he started t2 cry.

_(author note: SEE I TOLD U THIS SCENE HAD A LEMON AND I WUSNT LYING!321!1!)_

Meanwhile America had found the location of the Martian's evil fortress and was going to tell everyone else about it so he found Lithuania and Estonia and Belarus and Finland and he told them and they went to look for Russia but they couldnt find him so instead they went to look for China and they found him having tea with Superman while Zod's unconsious body was being used as a punching bag by the other Justice League dudes and also some of the Avengers and X-Men.

Meanwhile Germany was in the washroom of the motel washing the lemon juice off his arm but when he left the washroom he took a wrong turn and went into a broom closet and PRUSSIA WAS THERE AND SO WAS CHAD KROEGER!

"PRUSSIA?" Germany gasp. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS DOUCHECANOE?!"

"I WAS AT A NICKELBACK CONCERT AND THEN CHAD KREOGER KIDNAPED ME!" said Prussia.

"HAHAHAHA!" Chad Kroeger said evilly.

"OH NO! I AM THE BROTHER OF A GUY WHO HAS BAD TASTE IN MUSIC! HOW WILL I LIVE WITH THIS SHAME?" said Germany and he weeped a single tear of manliness which roled slowly down his face dramaticly like he was a dude from an action movie. a radio sudenly turned on and began to play "Last Breath" by Ensiferum to emphazise how sad and tragic this moment was.

"NOW I WILL DESTORY YOU AND ALSO YOUR BROTHER" said Chad Kroeger, holding a gun at Prussia's head. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Germany screamed. Chad Kroeger laffed evily bcuz he was evil. sudenly, a badass-looking guy punched through the wall! It was Gene Simmons the guy from KISS!

"YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS, CHAD RKOEGER! YOUR A DISGRACE TO THE NAME OF ROCK MUSIC!" said Gene Simmons, and then he punch chad kroeger in the face. then Gene Simmons left and Lithuania and all of his team except Russia showed up at the motel and found them in the broom closet and Germany explained what happened but left out the part where he threw a lemon at italy's head because that was kind of mean.

"don't u think it's suspissious that Prussia was at a nickleback concert?" said finland.

"finlnd what are u suggest!" said gremany

"Maybe the kidnapping was planned! mabye h was in on it al allong!" said finland

"But why would u thingk I would do such a despecable thing? I am not an evil guy like Chad Kroeger" said Prussia while he scratch his head wihch was covered in lice becuz europeans dont have good hygeene. then America found a note taped to chad kroeger's shoe but no one could read it so they broht it back to the airplane to analyse it with Estonia's computers and it tunred out it was written in finnish and so Finland read the note

_I have joined forces with the Martian invaders and Nickelback to take over the world and do evil stuff. Don't try to stop me or I will give you all atomic wedgies and your butts will explode from the wedgies and the explosions will be really big and everyone will die from pieces of debris falling all over and crushing everyone like ants crushed beneath a boot or maybe an anvil falling from the sky like in old cartoons._

_Sincerely, Russia._

_PS: Metallica sux! Megadeth 4ever!_

"Belarus, I am afreid ur brother has gone to the Dark Side of the Force" Finland said mauricely.

"NO! NO! THIS CANOT BE!" said Blearus and she felled to the ground and weeped sad tears of sorrow. America patted her head with a hamburger to comfort her.

"THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR MY BORTHER! I WILL NOT FORSAKE HIM" Belarus said with feminine tears in her beauteous crystaline orbs.

"YOU ARE BEING IRRATIONAL! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN!" America mooed angrly.

"I AM NOT BEING IRRATIONAL!" Belarus cried sadly. Then she rolled around on the floor and screamed and cried because she was having a fit of hysteria.

"I knew we never should have broht a girl on this mission girls are much too weak and hysterical for importent matters such as this" Amercia said misogynisticly.

"OMG stop being sexist America!" Lithuania ejaculated forcefully.

"No, you stop being a weak girly sissy!" America ejaculated back with more force and some spit. Then Lithuaina and America jumped on each other and started to beat each other up.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Germany and Finland were arguing over which dramatic music should be played while they stormed the evil dude's fortess.

"I think it should be Helloween or maybe Blind Guardian" said germany.

"Those bands are power metal! Power metal isn't REAL metal! It should be called _FLOWER_ METAL" Finland said dismissingly while making the limp wrist gesture like stereotpyical gay dudes on tv.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" said Germany

"NEVER!" said Finalnd. then Germny and Finland jumped on each other and started to beat each other up.

Meanwhile, on the other other side of the room, Estonia turned to Italy and said "I don't like your face!"

"OH YEAH? WELL YOU ARE A STOOPID BUTTHEAD!" said Italy. Then Italy and Etsonia jumped on each other and started to beat each other up.

"EVERYONE STOP FIGHTING! HOW WILL WE FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL IF WE ARE FIGHTING EACH OTHER LIKE WE ARE CHARACTERS IN AN ACTION MOVIE!" China said logically. Belarus stopped rollng on the floor and screaming. "china is right we must put aside our diffrenses to defeat the evil guys or we are all DOOMED" she said.

"oh i didn't think of that" said everyone else and then they stoppd fightin.

Meanwhile in an evil lair russia was sittin on an evil throne made of roadkill and empty vodka bottles. "hahahaha," russia laughed villanously "soon i will rule the world" he said slimily in his menancing communist voice.

Meanwhile Estonia was computeranalyzing the traces of DNA and there was a coded mesage written in the genetic sequence. "According to google, this message is made of excerpts from a thesis written by a famous science dude about pretzel theory in relation to the theories of some other scientist dudes like Stephen King and Leonard Nimoy and the Manhattan Project guys and the dude with the cat in the box." said Estonia.

"I don't understand" said Italy "what is this prtezel theory you speak of?"

"I will explain" Estonia said in a science voice. "Well as everyone knows, string theory posits that the smallest particles in existence are shaped like strings, which is what causes gravity. This theory was used to reconcile quantum mechanics with Einstein's theory of general relativity. HOWEVER, this does not explain time travel! recent advances in science suggest that the smallest particles are in fact shaped like PRETZELS, which would explain how it is possible to travel through time, a hypothesize which is supported by Newton's second law of motion."

"But what does it MEAN?" said Belarus.

"It means" Estonia paused dramaticlly "someone is plotting to travel back in time and assassinate Isaac Newton!"

Everyone gasped.

Meanwhile, Russia and his evil henchmen and Nickelback and the Martians and their evil boss the Martian King were making a time machine to go back in time to get Isaac Newton but they kept getting the wrong time periods. THEN SUDDENLY THE GOOD GUYS SMASHED THROUGH THE WALL AND STARTED TO BEAT UP THE EVIL GUYS!

"TAKE THAT, EVIL GUYS!" America said as he kicked an evil guy in the balls.

"AMERCA! I HAVE A BEEF WITH YOU!" Russia snareld spitfully like the evil socialist that he was

"IF YOU WANT THE BEEF THEN BRING THE RUCKUS, WU TANG CLAN AIN'T NUTHIN TA FUCK WIT" Amercia said heroicly an then he paunched Russia in the facsimilie with his manly yankee freedom fist.

"Russia! stop this madness!" said Belarus. "It makes me sad when you do evil stuff like trying to take over the world and funding Nickelback concerts!"

"I'm sorry Belarus but it is too late! I have already sold my soul to Santa!" said Russia.

"IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE THINGS!" said Lithuania. "LOOK AT ROBERT DOWNEY JR'S CAREER!"

"ok you have a point there but i will still need some time to think about this" said Russia. Then Chad Kroeger said "I think we finally got the right time period!" but when Russia's henchmen reached into the time machine they pulled out…. MARY MAGDALNEN!

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!" said Mary Madgalen angrily while waving a dead walrus over her head. "sorry Ms. Magdalane, we didn't mean to disturb you" said a Martian and started to push her back toward the time machine. But then the time machiene made a choky noise like a person with a dolphin allergy who has acidentally ingested tuna with bits of dolphin in it and then ISAAC NEWTON CAME OUT OF THE TIME MACHINE!

"GOOD LORD, I SEEM TO BE IN THE FUTURE! EXCEPT THERE IS NO SOYLENT GREEN OR SPACESHIPS ANYWHERE!" Isaac Newton said incredoluosly.

"NOW WE WILL CHANGE THE COARSE OF HISTORY!" said the Martian King and he drank a Polyjuice potion that made him grow really big and become a monster that was half Godzilla and half platypus and half Edward Cullen. He spat paltypus venom everywhere and sparkled evilly and blinded everyone except the bad guys who were all whereing sunglasses.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Lithuania screamed but it was to late and the Russian whords had thrown Isaac Newton into the gapping jaws of godzillaplatypusgod.

"oh no!" said Isaac Newton as he was hold in the monster's grasp. "if I am eaten who will invent gravity!"

"I will save you!" said Mary Magdalen and then she shooted at the evil platypus man with her lazer cannon. The Martian Godzilla King screamed and screamed an started to shrink until he was normal sized and his mask fell off revealling he weren't really a Martian or a Godzilla he was actually JOSEF STALIN!

"Gasp!" said everyone including the Martians.

"HAHAHAHA!" Josef Stalin laffed evily bcuz he was evil. he pulled off his ugly plaid turtleneck sweater and underneth THERE WAS A BOMB THAT WAS ACTUALLY FIFTY-THOUSAND TINY ATOMIC BOMBS CLUSTERED TOGETHER LIKE A CLOISTER OF ATOMIC NUNS OR A CORAL REEF MADE OF BOMBS INSTEAD OF CORAL!

"NOW I WILL BLOW UP THE SOLAR SYSTEM AND ABSORB THE ATOMIC ESSENSE OF THESE BOMBS AND BECOME THE GALACTIC EMPEROR OF THE GALAXY!" he said evilly. But then the air was filled with the most beautiful wonderful excellent glorious super special really good noise ever to exist in the whole entirety of existence: IT WAS THE OPENING RIFF OF THE METALLICA SONG MASTER OF PUPPPETS!

"WE HAVE COME TO DEFEAT THE EVIL PEOPLE SO THERE WILL BE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!" said the dudes from Metallica who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere like Batman or Mary Poppins.

"ZOMG!" said everyone.

"CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!" said Josef Stalin. Lars Ulrich punched Josef Stalin so hard his head exploded, and everyone cheered because Metallica had saved the day yet again.

"oh fuck" said Chad Kroeger.

Lithuania and America and Italy and Germany and Russia and Belarus and China and Finland and Thor and Superman and Batman and Robin and Eowyn and Eomer and Isaac Newton and Mary Magdalene and Gene Simmons and Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Cleese and Julie Newmar and the guy from Seinfeld all jumped on the members of Nickelback and started to beat them up.

"But where is Poland? We still haven't found him!" Lithuania said sadly afterwards. Then Mary Magadlen's lazer cannon was transformed back into Poland who had been force-fed polyjuice potion and turned into a lazer cannon and sent into the past.

"Lithuania!" said Poland.

"Poland!" said Lithuania.

"Lithuania!" said Poland.

"Poland!" said Lithuania.

"Lithuania!" said Poland.

"Poland!" said Lithuania.

"Brad!" said Poland.

"Janet!" said Lithuania.

"Rocky!" said Doctor Frank-N-Furter.

"Bullwinkle!" said Rocky.

"STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" said Marlon Brando.

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" said Captain Kirk.

"Lithuania!" said Poland.

"Poland!" said Lithuania.

"I LOVE YOU!" said Poland. "I LOVE YOU TOO!" said Lithuania. Then they smooched and there were fireworks in the backgroubnd and also some lazers and airplanes and lazer-airplanes and a double rainbow across the sky while a dude screamed YEEEEEEAAAAAH like in the intro to that song from CSI.

Then everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.


End file.
